How does family mediation work?

You will probably never have found yourself in this situation before. You may be feeling sad, stressed and concerned about the future. It is quite possible that you do not wish to meet the other party face to face and that you are not sure that a dialogue is viable.

The mediator is trained to put both parties at ease and to establish communication and dialogue. The aim is to look ahead and to avoid going back over past conflict. The mediator will be aware of your feelings and concerns and will work hard to create an atmosphere of safety and discussion.

After initial one on one meeting, family mediation usually takes place face to face, with both parties and the mediator meeting in the same room. The aim of the process is for the mediator to help and facilitate the parties to identify, discuss and reach agreement around the main issues that they face.

It is forward-looking and about establishing communication and achieving an outcome so that you can both move on with your lives.

There are three main steps in the mediation process.

The three steps to family mediation

There are 3 main steps in the family mediation process:

Step 1: INITIAL INDIVIDUAL ASSESSMENT

The mediator will first meet with you both separately and explain the mediation process. This is called a MIAM (Mediation Information Assessment Meeting).

This is a confidential meeting between you and the mediator and an opportunity for you to raise any concerns or particular issues or question. The mediator will use this opportunity to gather some information and also to assess whether mediation would be appropriate for your circumstances.

The mediator will discuss :

What your options might be.
What mediation is, and how it works.
The benefits of mediation and other appropriate forms of resolving disputes.
The likely costs of using mediation.
If you are eligible for free mediation and Legal Aid.

The meeting usually lasts for around an hour and you can ask any questions you may have. The mediator will listen and ask questions in a sensitive and non-judgemental way.

The mediator will check that both parties agree to participating in the mediation process as well as making sure that mediation would be suitable for your situation. Once the initial meetings have taken place then a joint meeting will be arranged with both parties and the mediator.

Step 2: JOINT MEDIATION SESSIONS

These sessions will usually take place with both parties and the mediator in the same room. Sometimes it works better if the parties are in separate rooms for all or part of a session and the mediator will go between the the 2 rooms. At the start of the session the mediator will help the parties agree the main issues to be covered during the session.

The role of the mediator is to help the conversation to remain positive and respectful while impartially helping both sides clarify issues. The mediation will support you both to identify various options and negotiate constructively to arrive at joint solutions that help you both move forward positively with you lives. The mediator does not make decisions for you, however they may make suggestions as a starting point. The mediator will also help you reality check any suggestions to make sure that they are achievable and workable for your situation.

It is very common to feel apprehensive or nervous before these sessions but the mediator will do their best to put you at ease and to ensure that you are comfortable to proceed with the mediation.

The sessions usually last for up to 90 minutes and commonly 2-3 sessions are required to agree arrangements regarding children and 3-4 for arrangements regarding finances and property.

As part of any discussions regarding finances and property you will each be asked to provide financial information in order to ensure that the discussions take place with the full picture available for both parties.

The mediator may sometimes recommend that you seek independent legal advice during the mediation process and it may also be necessary for you to seek advice regarding pensions, financial arrangements or mortgages.

Step 3: AGREEMENT AND CONCLUSION OF MEDIATION

Once you have reached agreement regarding the issues the outcome can be recorded in a written agreement. This written agreement will only be legally binding if approved by a Court but the mediator can explain how this can be achieved. There may be separate agreements made at different times for different issues (i.e one agreement for arrangements for children and a separate agreement for financial and property issues).